Understanding the Narcissist’s Jealousy — A Threat to Your Well-Being
Narcissists are often driven by the green-eyed monster, and when they become envious of someone, their actions can range from subtle manipulations to outright hostility. Narcissistic individuals have a deep-rooted need to feel superior, but their fragile sense of self-esteem means they constantly compare themselves to others including their partners. When they feel threatened by someone else’s success, confidence, experiences, or possessions, their jealousy can turn so toxic it could wipe out the planet.
The narcissist’s self-centred worldview won’t ever allow them to be genuinely happy for you. When a narcissist is jealous of you, they will often try to make you feel as if you’re just an extension of their own desires and needs or they will try to bring you down with cynical criticism and belittling comments. The first type of manipulation tactic might leave you feeling important to them, but this is not some genuine care or admiration, the second one may hurt your self-confidence and definitely kill your buzz about your achievements. Whichever way they go, it’s a tool they use to control and keep you within their orbit. Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-worth, but it’s built on fragile foundations. Deep down, they often have low self-esteem (most of the time, it’s reasonable because they are worthless), and when they see someone else enjoying success or happiness, it makes them feel inferior.
To counteract these feelings of inadequacy, a narcissist will work hard to undermine your confidence. They may try to make you feel less valuable than you truly are, subtly or overtly demeaning your accomplishments, looks, or personality. This is their way of leveling the playing field — they tear others down to boost themselves up. Remember: while a narcissist may act as though you’re important to them, their primary goal is to keep you feeling inferior, so they can continue feeling superior. Jealousy is their constant state of mind.
While anyone can experience jealousy, narcissists are particularly vulnerable to it. Narcissistic jealousy isn’t an occasional feeling that comes and goes; it’s a constant undercurrent in their lives. Because they always feel the need to compete with others, they are often consumed by envy, especially if they believe someone else has something they lack. Whether it’s success, knowledge, relationships, material possessions, or even just attention, narcissists find it difficult to handle the idea that someone else could be “better” than them in any way.
When a narcissist feels envious, they don’t just experience the emotion internally — they project it outward through harmful behaviours. This jealousy often manifests in ways that can be damaging to those around them, including you. Narcissists may engage in slander, gossip, or even more extreme actions like stealing or sabotaging someone else’s success. Their goal is to undermine the person they envy, ensuring that they come out on top, no matter the cost.
One of the most dangerous aspects of narcissistic jealousy is the lengths to which they will go to harm those they envy. A narcissist sees the success or happiness of others as a direct threat to their own self-worth. As a result, they may engage in destructive behaviours aimed at tearing others down. This can include spreading rumours, lying, or even attempting to sabotage your relationships or career. Narcissists don’t limit their jealousy to strangers or acquaintances; even close friends, family members, or romantic partners can become targets of their envy.
It’s crucial to be able to recognize when someone is acting out of jealousy. Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and their jealousy may not always be obvious. However, there are telltale signs — mostly verbal — that can reveal their true feelings. When you score already very high in your studies and achievements and they say something like “Imagine how much better/smarter you could be”, or you as a member of an academic research group are publishing a study or an article and they say “It’s nice you write about something that is not your expertise/field” or they mock your interests, hobbies, feelings or you may share some good news regarding your work or studies and they give you silent treatment or make a negative remark just to wipe your smile off. And eventually you may notice that they might fixate on your achievements or possessions, downplay your successes, or give backhanded compliments that seem more like insults. In some cases, they might openly express envy, either jokingly or seriously. They may also exhibit micro-expressions — brief flashes of anger or disdain — when they hear good news about you or others. But very often they will try to exploit your relationship with them for personal gain. They may invite you to write a book together or start a project, business, travel/move abroad together…the options are limitless.
Narcissists don’t form relationships in the traditional sense. Instead, they build connections with people they believe can offer them something they desire, whether that’s attention, admiration, opportunity, or material gain. In romantic relationships, this often takes the form of “love bombing,” and “future faking” where the narcissist showers their partner with affection, gifts, compliments, and promises in the early stages of the relationship. This isn’t out of genuine love or care; it’s a tactic to make the other person feel special and safe enough to lower their defenses.
Once the narcissist has you in their grasp, the dynamics shift. They begin to exploit your strengths for their benefit, all while hiding their true intentions. Narcissists are drawn to people with qualities they admire, but their admiration is shallow and fleeting. They don’t seek to build you up; they aim to possess or diminish what makes you special. The narcissist’s jealousy of your achievements, confidence, or even your relationships can lead them to take calculated steps to bring you down. They might initially seem supportive, but their ultimate goal is control and domination.
What makes the nature of narcissistic jealousy particularly dangerous is that it can drive a person to take extreme actions to satisfy their desire for superiority. Narcissists will stop at nothing to eliminate the perceived threat that someone else’s success or happiness represents to their ego. This could mean attempting to discredit you in the eyes of others, spreading lies about you, or even attempting to sabotage your personal or professional life.
In the most severe cases, narcissistic jealousy can lead to aggressive or abusive behaviours. Someone who feels entitled to your success or possessions may try to take them from you — whether that’s through manipulation, deception, or more forceful means. Narcissists don’t care about the harm they cause as long as they feel like they’ve “won.”
If you suspect that someone in your life is a narcissist and is exhibiting signs of jealousy, it’s important to take steps to protect yourself. The first step is recognizing the red flags — expect them to mock you for “always looking for red flags everywhere”. No, you don’t — you just see what they are. Pay attention to how they react when good things happen to you or others. Are they genuinely happy for you, or do they seem irritated or dismissive? Do they give you compliments that feel insincere or designed to make you feel inadequate?
If you notice these behaviours, it’s crucial to establish boundaries. Narcissists thrive on controlling and manipulating others, so maintaining distance and limiting their influence in your life is essential. Don’t engage with their attempts to make you feel inferior, and don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing their jealousy affects you. Especially, when you know what they are…it’s just you know, always keep in mind this is a mentally unstable person and whatever they say or do has nothing to do with your personality, your worth, your success.
Finally, trust your instincts. If something feels off in your interactions with a narcissist, it probably is. Narcissists are experts at disguising their true intentions, but over time, their jealousy and manipulation become apparent. Even if they keep posting about “healthy love and relationships” and play around the so enlightened and healed person in the room. Don’t ignore the warning signs — protect your emotional and mental well-being by keeping a narcissist’s toxic behaviours at arm’s length.
Dealing with a narcissist, especially one who is jealous of you, can be a draining and damaging experience if you’re not aware of their nature. Narcissists will go to great lengths to undermine you, all in the pursuit of bolstering their fragile sense of self-worth. By recognizing the signs of narcissistic jealousy and understanding the motivations behind their behaviour, you can better protect yourself from their manipulative tactics. Remember, the narcissist’s interest in you isn’t about genuine admiration — it’s about what they can take from you. Guard your value and don’t let them diminish your self-worth to inflate their ego.
